Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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