You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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