I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize