On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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