I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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