So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
