you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
