Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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