dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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