Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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