My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
