"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
