Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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