Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
