I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
My butt remains clenched, sir.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
