I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
