I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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