In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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