I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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