That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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