i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
