You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Randomize