You can't special order awesome
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
