They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
