I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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