I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
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