I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
