im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize