Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
They are going to name an STD after you.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
