she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
