The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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