Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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