Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
