Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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