Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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