Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Duck Duck Cougar?
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Your penis caused this!
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
