"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
