Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize