I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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