I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
