Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
