just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
