I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
