Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
did i just pee glitter
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
