Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Randomize
