Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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