she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
