woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
