I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
