I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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