remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
