Screwed.edu
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
