I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
