"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
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