you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
