I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
