It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize