is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
