Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
