Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
