You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
