I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
what day is it and did you see me today?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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