Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
